Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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