I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i out mim tonsoeep
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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