He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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