My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
