I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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