I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
