Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
