and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
