The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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