I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Rumble strips road head = magical
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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