If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
