New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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