She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your penis caused this!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
