evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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