Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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