Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
