last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
