found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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