We're like a lot better than the average bears
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
