I must be too annoying 4 u.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
