pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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