And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
please come you make the beer taste better
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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