You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
