she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
