Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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