Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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