I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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