Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
