Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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