Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
