He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
