So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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