Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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