This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
