i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
