I just cut my nipple shaving
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Someone came in the potted fern
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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