i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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