careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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