So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
