He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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