I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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