I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
