I'm so fucking centered right now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
