I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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