i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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