i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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