I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I smell stomach acid.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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