I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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