If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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