I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
