Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
