I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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