New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
