I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
