I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
