my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
