ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
