he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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