At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize