i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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