Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Two words: nipple clamps
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