I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Terrible idea I love it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
