Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
